Final Eureka Post (Week # 6)

Photo courtesy of:www.the-hip-homemaker.com




A good friend of mine was recently laid off from her job of which she hasn't been complianing about. She's newly married (1.5 yrs) and a mother of two (4 month old girl & 2 yr old boy). As you can tell, she has her hands full.

We were talking this past week and she was tell me how at first, her husband was happy that she was home full time to care for the children and tend to the home but now she thinks that he's jealous because he works all day, infact, he's had to pick-up an additional part-time job so that they can stay a float.

He hasn't been complaining too much to her but she can tell that he's not happy with the current situation because he discusses his home affairs with his mother. So, his mother takes it upon herself to contact her daughter in-law (my friend )to question what's going on in their home and to find out why she's not handling her business on the home front. Needless to say, some of the questions she was asking my friend was a little intrusive so she had to letter her mother in-law know that she's trying her best at being a "homemaker" and does'nt think that she should be concerned with issues that don't involve her household. Afterward, she asked her husband not to discuss their personal business with his mother, to come to her so that they can resolve their own issues.

I thought back to what I've learned in this "gendered lives" class to offer my friend some advice about barriers in gender communication and how to open up the lines so that they can communicate successfully. In talking with her (female to female) it surprised me to discover that my girlfriend is completely "happy & content" with being a homemaker and does not want to re-enter the workforce. I guess there are some females that prefer the traditional woman to the modern woman. It will be interesting to see how this pans out since her husband wants her to eventually return to the workforce whereas she doesn't.

Week # 5 Eureka Moment

So.... I received a text message from one of my younger brothers (25 yrs old) tonight @ 8:59pm fumming because his son's mother has decided to file for child support of their 1 yr old son. He couldn't seem to understand why she would take him to court when he supports his son personally and financially as well as her. He suggested that the only reason why she decided to file was because she's out of work,wants to pocket the extra money for herself and is upset because they recently split-up.

I had to put my personal feelings aside for my brother as I thought of a cordial way to respond to his text without disregarding his feelings. Once placed in the same situation, as single mother I thought of my past experience and began to question my brothers consistancy with providing financial support for his child and deleted the text to pick up the phone and call him.

We had a nice conversation about the importance of being timely and consistent with personal and financial contribution towards the development and growth of his son, I suggested that the mother of his child is looking out for the best interest of their son and probably doesn't want to have nor should she have to chase him down now that he's decided to move on. I tried my best not to sound so "pro-women" acknowledging the fact that his ego was bruised at this point and he most likely needed some time to let it all soak in to truly understand her logic.

I don't know many women that are paying child support to single male parental figures but it's mind boggling how many men feel violated when asked to financially support their child. If it were you're brother, how would you have handled his text message?

Week # 4 Eureka Moment

What are your thoughts?

A co-worker of 10 yrs and close friend of mine just came back to work this Monday 6/8/09 from an extended Maternity Leave. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl via c-section back in March and was upset, saddened, and miserable knowing that she had to return to work.

I have a now 13 year old daughter and was fortunate to have the opportunity to stay home with her for a year prior to placing her in daycare and obtaining full time employment. My entire pregnancy up until one year of age, I was a stay at home mom enjoying every minute of it yet yearning some adult communication. I had mixed emotions about not being home with my baby full-time and seeking a social life. So, although I can somewhat relate to my friends emotions regarding leaving her young'n, I can only somewhat relate to her emotions regarding the workplace and adult interaction.

There are a few positives about her returning to work , one being that she's employed during a difficult time when others aren't as fortunate and the other being that her daughters father and his mother are caring for the baby while she's away. The only concern my friend has is how attentive the father is to his daughter. Not that he wouldn't love and care for her but would he address the baby's need as she would and would he know what to do in a emergent situation? Her concerns were legitimate, I thought at first but then I had to rethink it... he has two other children (now teenagers) from a previous relationship and this is her first child. Is she being over protective as a first time mom ? Or does she have a point and some men are just not cut out to be "Mr. Mom"?

Image courtesy of : Google images "Mr. Mom"

Week # 3 Eureka Moment

So here it goes.....

I was having a conversation with a male co-worker around the same age (30's), he was telling me and another co-worker a true story about a few of his buddies that he grew up with. Apparently, my male co-worker is happily married with 4 children whereas some of his buddies aren't so happily married.

He started the story by asking us (two female co-workers) where did we all go wrong ?!? Talented and smart yet trapped in positions @ work that maybe less desirable at this current stage in our lives while looking to explore other options yet the current state of the economy suggest otherwise.

He tells us that his buddies are happy & wealthy career wise but not so happy home wise, where he's the exact opposite. Supposingly they recently all hungout at a pub and one of the married men (was drunk ?!?) and hooked up with some female that he met at the bar. He's not quite sure what took place but he's pretty positive that if anything the guy ended up with a happy ending (if you know what I mean) and wanted to know from a females point of view was this considered cheating since there was no penetration and if so what level of cheating was it?

The question I had for him ... since when were there levels to cheating and acceptable one's at that?!?

I guess this goes back to the communications road blocks that seem to intervene between man & woman.

Both Ladies and Gents... I need some help with this one, please shed some light on this Eureka!

Photo courtesy of : Google Images

Week # 2 "Eureka Moment"

So Saturday 6/23 on my way home from the hair salon, I decided to stop by the Caribbean restaurant to pick-up some lunch (take-out).

As I was waiting by the register for the cashier to ring me up, I over heard a few men discussing sports (the NBA play-offs) as they sat at the bar.

The debate is about which team is better of course The Cav's or the Magic and/or The Laker's or the "Nuggets". As the men choose their favorites, some agreeing while the others disagreed the conversation ultimately switches from better team to better players. Two guys go head to head about Kobe Bryant being able to take on Lebron James and/or Dwight Howard since the latter two are of a bigger statue. The discussion in the room started to get heated as other men and one woman decided to join the debate. As I waited I watched the body language, volume level and tone of the men compared to that of the one woman who was clearly with her mate.

I was not surprised at all by what I was witnessing and could relate everything that was going on at that point in time to chapters 5,6 & 7 of what I just read during my long stay at the salon.

The men raised their arms, their voices and even banged on the bar top to ensure that they had the floor while speaking. The one woman tried to yell over them about the "wing span" that Dwight Howard has over both Lebron & Kobe but they dismissed her verbal communication completely as if she had not even spoken. In fact, besides her leaning forward a little toward the group her demand for attention was minimal. The only thing I could do was look at her and smile which made me chuckle to myself since that too was discussed in our readings.

I've recently discovered why there's miscommunication amongst the two sexes but I venture to ask how do we narrow that gap so that we can be heard & taken seriously. That one woman amongst several guys could have known just as much about the sport of basketball as any of the other men but the guys that were in her presence could care less about her view. What can we do as woman to ensure that we're heard?

Photo and Saturday's lunch courtesy of De Island Breeze: http://deislandbreeze.com/

Hair & Now

I was driving to work this morning, listening to a popular radio talk show that was discussing celebrity break-ups. One of the host began to comment on a rumored split between rapper Kanye West and model/stripper Amber Rose.

He was of the opinion that Kanye need not be with Amber anyway because she resembled a boy (with her brush cut hairstyle). The female host felt that Amber's beauty and style complimented her lack of hair and stated that she was still feminine although she did not have much hair.

Listening to the conversation between the two host allowed me to reflect back to societies twisted depiction of "gender" norms. Does a certain hairstyle, or choice of clothing define who you are? How do you express you're individuality without conforming to societies ideals of "gender"? In your opinion, what actions/behaviors cause gender conflict for both men & women?

Photo Courtesy of : http://celebrity.rightpundits.com/?p=5117