What are your thoughts?
A co-worker of 10 yrs and close friend of mine just came back to work this Monday 6/8/09 from an extended Maternity Leave. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl via c-section back in March and was upset, saddened, and miserable knowing that she had to return to work.
I have a now 13 year old daughter and was fortunate to have the opportunity to stay home with her for a year prior to placing her in daycare and obtaining full time employment. My entire pregnancy up until one year of age, I was a stay at home mom enjoying every minute of it yet yearning some adult communication. I had mixed emotions about not being home with my baby full-time and seeking a social life. So, although I can somewhat relate to my friends emotions regarding leaving her young'n, I can only somewhat relate to her emotions regarding the workplace and adult interaction.
There are a few positives about her returning to work , one being that she's employed during a difficult time when others aren't as fortunate and the other being that her daughters father and his mother are caring for the baby while she's away. The only concern my friend has is how attentive the father is to his daughter. Not that he wouldn't love and care for her but would he address the baby's need as she would and would he know what to do in a emergent situation? Her concerns were legitimate, I thought at first but then I had to rethink it... he has two other children (now teenagers) from a previous relationship and this is her first child. Is she being over protective as a first time mom ? Or does she have a point and some men are just not cut out to be "Mr. Mom"?
Image courtesy of : Google images "Mr. Mom"
I feel like it depends on the situation. I have three children, with three different "back to work" scenarios - none were the best, nor the worse. My first child was born when I was married for less than two years and it was always decided (not entirely my decision) that I would go back to work (not my prior full-time job because we couldn't afford child care, essentially my job would cancel that out). So when my daughter was six weeks' old, I got a job from 4 - 8 p.m., four days a week, after a full day of being with her, my mother would come and be with my daughter (most of which I arranged during her nap time). I was exhausted from the day, I had to make sure that when my husband came home at six, he had dinner, and everything was virtually set up for my daughter, if she was awake. After six months, I got a job during the day from 9a.m. to 1 p.m., and I brought my daughter to my mother-in-laws. These were okay situation, not the best; but my child was not being watched by a "stranger" and I was able to financially contribute to the family.
ReplyDeleteMy first two children are 2 years 5 months apart. The scenario with my second child was better. After a year, similar to one of the situations you mentioned. I wanted some adult contact with two young children at home. So, I got a job on Sundays from 9 - 1, and my husband watched the girls. Did I think he did "the job" as good as I did - probably not, but he was their father and he was there and I was at work, that's it, whatever decisions he made with the children when he was in charge was his decision. My third child was born after 5 years after my second, and I have posted my child care "dilemma" regarding the child care decision I made with him. Is there a the perfect scenario, I don't think so. Sometimes, "ya gotta do, what you gotta do", and other times, it your choice and that's okay, too. My thoughts are if it works for you - then that's the best. As far as, the father taking care of the baby, you got two choices, work or take care of the baby - when you give up the option to be at home, you must defer to the person you leave in charge - that's my opinion.
Now i don't have any children but i do believe that when you have your first child it is difficult to go back to work after maternity leave. When you get used to spending every waking moment with you newborn it is hard to be away from them even for a couple hours a day. She is right to be worried or concerned about the care of her baby but its not because the babies father is a bad father its because she is used to doing it all herself. I know i am one of those people that likes to do as much as i can myself, i dont like to ask for help. The one thing i do know is that when my first baby is born when i have to return to work i would love nothing more than for my babies father to watch his child. Most men are great fathers they just do things differently than the mother would. The problem today is most men work a lot to support their families and they dont really get the chance to stay home and spend time with their newborns. I think its great that her husband is going to get some time to watch and care for the baby and i also believe that we dont give enough credit to fathers as we should!!! They can be really great fathers if the mother lets them be!
ReplyDeleteRESPONSE TO MIKES POST (WEEK #4)
ReplyDeleteTeandra said...
Mike,
I do think that some people find it more acceptable for the male to have the leading role, where he's in charge,does the training and makes the rules.
These are old traditional sterotypes that are still held on to. However, I do believe that generation "X" and generation "Y" are more open to the new career roles of both sexes so there will be much more tolerance and acceptability across the board when it comes to certain career choices.
I'd be happy if I were one of few males on the job, most times women need a few men to balance out the estrogen and visa versa. Good Luck!
RESPONSE TO NICOLE F. WEEK #4
ReplyDeleteNicole,
It's funny because my week 4 blog posed the same question. "Mr Mom" is kind of a gender bias name especially since you don't hear people walking around calling working women "Ms Dad".
Your cousin has made an excellent decision to care after his child and I think that any parent that has the opportunity to do so should.
A co-worker of mine is married with 4 children, he works full-time and his wife is a teacher that home schools his children so that vary in age the youngest is 2 the oldest I believe is 6 (literally stair steppers).
In order to get the adult communication that you sometimes crave after staying home all day with a child, in this case children... his wife works a few nights a week bartending at a restaurant.
So... thumbs up to your cousin and if the name really bother him, the only way to nip it in the bud is for him to tell his family that he dislikes it.
RESPONSE TO HEATHERS POST WEEK #4
ReplyDeleteHeather,
I also have friends that are gay "male" and "female" and I don't think that these types of relationships with heterosexuals are considered "cross-sex" relationships, although biologically they maybe the opposite sex. If that's not too confusing.
What I'm trying to say is... these types of friendships should stand the test of time because there's no challenge presented by either party since there's no attraction and you share commonalities which also make it less difficult.
I've had cross-sex relationships in the past were I'm sure there was some attraction by both parties but noone ever crossed the line and nothing became of it. One friend moved out of state and we still keep in contact but we have different lives now...and I think that's what will terminate a cross-sex relationship if anything (when the other party enters into a committed relationship).